Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
