dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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