I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
