I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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