Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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