Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
