i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
