I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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