i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
