Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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