walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
