toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
