I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you would pick up someone in the library
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
