College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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