Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
