He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
