I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
