I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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