thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
