if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
