they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
