seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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