just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
