Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
