fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
