The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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