I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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