carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
