I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
