Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
