I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When are your genitals available?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
