Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
