Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
