This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize