Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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