so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
