How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
