i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
