dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
