guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
two words: eviction party
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
