I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
