at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And then my night got REAL pukey
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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