New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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