I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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