He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
