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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
