the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
