In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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