I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
