Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
